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????男女約會(huì)時(shí)的一個(gè)經(jīng)典的權(quán)力游戲是多等幾天再給對(duì)方回電話,，我們大多都曾親身實(shí)踐過這個(gè)策略,，或者受過它的折磨。然而,，Verizon和美國銀行（Bank of America）最近的收費(fèi)風(fēng)波告訴我們,，其實(shí)，這個(gè)策略對(duì)于企業(yè)應(yīng)當(dāng)如何與顧客打交道也有一定的啟迪,。

????20世紀(jì)初,，社會(huì)學(xué)家維拉德?維勒通過對(duì)大學(xué)本科生戀愛關(guān)系的研究提出了“最低興趣原則”,。他指出，我們自己對(duì)和他人之間關(guān)系的感受取決于我們對(duì)這段關(guān)系的公平感和投入程度,。在這一關(guān)系中（表面上）投入最少或興趣最低的一方掌握著最大的權(quán)力,。“最低興趣的一方”其權(quán)力緣于他有能力在不同的互動(dòng)關(guān)系中利用雙方興趣的落差,，這些互動(dòng)關(guān)系囊括了購買商品時(shí)的討價(jià)還價(jià),、說服老板加薪的談話，乃至成功敲定周六晚上與心上人的約會(huì),。

????大多數(shù)人在商場(chǎng)和個(gè)人感情中都竭力謀取權(quán)力,，這一點(diǎn)聽起來可能并不令人驚訝。我們?cè)谧非蟆白畹团d趣方”所具有的權(quán)力時(shí)所陷入的行為模式才是真正值得探討的問題,。

????我曾研究過一些高度渴望獲得成功的人士,，我的團(tuán)隊(duì)和我本人都反復(fù)觀察到，這些動(dòng)力十足的人由于感覺自己與他人的關(guān)系失衡,，最終破壞了自己在工作中的各種人際關(guān)系,。人際關(guān)系中的不公平感可能導(dǎo)致我們采取一些只會(huì)激化矛盾的行動(dòng)，形成一個(gè)毀滅性的惡性循環(huán),，無法自拔,。

????這種惡性循環(huán)大致如下：某人感覺到他的下屬、合伙人,、配偶,、老板或其他某個(gè)相關(guān)方在雙方關(guān)系中的興趣更低。隨著情緒的引線越變?cè)蕉?，他或許會(huì)開始因?yàn)檫@種不平衡而采取行動(dòng),，比如小題大做，一點(diǎn)小事就大發(fā)雷霆,；開始對(duì)同事和家人吹毛求疵等等,。

????他可能會(huì)以毒攻毒，開始刻意疏遠(yuǎn)對(duì)方,，試圖靠冷落對(duì)方重新獲得權(quán)力和控制力,。這種策略只會(huì)觸發(fā)另一方作出相似的回應(yīng)，形成一個(gè)不斷自動(dòng)強(qiáng)化的惡性循環(huán),，導(dǎo)致猜疑與誤解日益加深,。

????這些人不是選擇進(jìn)行一次雖然困難但卻必要的對(duì)話，找出問題的癥結(jié)并加以解決,，而是一味擔(dān)心再也無法重新占據(jù)優(yōu)勢(shì),，因此簡單地繼續(xù)這一循環(huán)，幻想形勢(shì)能夠誤打誤撞地自動(dòng)恢復(fù)平衡,。這些人不是率先反思自己的焦慮與不安全感,，而是猛烈批評(píng)對(duì)方,，責(zé)怪對(duì)方才是導(dǎo)致關(guān)系惡化的根源。

????最低興趣方所擁有的權(quán)力可能會(huì)導(dǎo)致人們用冷漠的假象隱蔽自我,，而不是采取必要行動(dòng),、承擔(dān)必要風(fēng)險(xiǎn)，在信任的基礎(chǔ)上建構(gòu)人際關(guān)系,。要想跳出這種零和權(quán)力游戲,，必須心甘情愿地示弱，同時(shí)坦誠地面對(duì)自己和他人,，愿意承認(rèn),、控制權(quán)力的失衡，而不是放任這種失衡吞噬自我,。當(dāng)今世界,，我們與他人之間的真實(shí)或虛擬的聯(lián)系（以及這些聯(lián)系帶來的權(quán)力角力）都日益復(fù)雜，上述法則很難做到,，但卻至關(guān)重要,。

????We've all fallen victim to or been perpetrator of the classic dating power play – waiting just a few days longer before calling. But this tactic can teach companies a thing or two on how they should be dealing with their customers, especially in light of Verizon (VZ) and Bank of America's (BAC) relatively recent fee fiascos.

????The "principle of least interest," developed by sociologist Willard Willer from his studies of dating relationships among college undergraduates in the early 20th century, explains that how we feel about a relationship with another person depends on our perceptions of fairness or level of investment in that relationship. The party who holds the most power in that relationship is the one who is (or appears) least invested or interested. The power of "least interest" stems from an ability to exploit that difference in interest during various interactions, ranging from negotiations over the purchase of something desirable, to convincing your boss to give you a raise, to landing a date for Saturday night.

????It may not sound surprising to suggest that most of us jockey for power in our business and personal relationships. The real insight comes from understanding the patterns of behavior that we fall into while pursuing the power of "least interest."

????In a study I did on high-need-for-achievement personalities, my team and I observed over and over how these driven individuals sabotage their own relationships at work in their reaction to perceived asymmetries with others. Feelings of inequity in relationships cause us to act out in ways that only exacerbate the problem, and can create destructive cycles that are hard to break.

????The downward spiral looks something like this: A person perceives that his subordinate, partner, spouse, boss, or some other party has less interest in a relationship. He may begin to act out in reaction to the imbalance -- pouting or getting unnecessarily angry over small incidents, becoming more critical of others at work and at home -- as his emotional fuse grows increasingly short.

????He may fight fire with fire, distancing himself in those relationships in an attempt to regain power and control through expressing less interest. These tactics trigger a similar reaction from the other person, resulting in a self-reinforcing loop of distrust and misunderstanding.

????Rather than having a difficult but necessary conversation to identify and resolve the issues at hand, these individuals fear that nothing can be done to get them back in favor and simply continue the cycle in the vain hope that things will somehow balance out. Instead of first reflecting on his own anxieties and insecurities, the individual lashes out at others, placing the blame for the foundering relationship on them.

????The power of least interest can cause people to cloak themselves in indifference rather than take the effort and the risks needed to build relationships based on trust. Escaping these zero-sum power games requires a willingness to be vulnerable and honest with yourself and others, to recognize and manage power imbalances while not allowing them to consume you. This is a tall but critical order in a world where our physical and virtual connections to others (and their associated power dynamics) are only growing more complicated.