
社會心理學(xué)家,、紐約大學(xué)(New York University)教授喬納森·海特是《焦慮的一代:童年大重構(gòu)如何引發(fā)心理健康危機》(The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness)一書的作者,。該書自一年前出版以來持續(xù)占據(jù)《紐約時報》暢銷書排行榜,。
播客《埃茲拉·克萊因秀》(Ezra Klein Show)的主持人埃茲拉·克萊因在上周二的節(jié)目中表示:“這本書引發(fā)了強烈共鳴?!边@期長達(dá)1小時13分鐘的節(jié)目邀請海特作為嘉賓,,探討了父母如何讓孩子遠(yuǎn)離電子產(chǎn)品這個由來已久的難題。
在這場廣泛深入的訪談中,,他們討論了海特提出的限制使用電子產(chǎn)品的四大黃金法則——高中前禁止使用智能手機,、16歲前禁止使用社交媒體、給予孩子更多無人監(jiān)管的玩耍時間與自主權(quán),,以及建立無手機校園,。令人欣慰的是,最后一條關(guān)于無手機校園的建議已在多州獲得響應(yīng),。
但在與克萊因的對話中,,海特進(jìn)一步拓展了這四條原則,警告稱“現(xiàn)代育兒方式”正在傷害而非推動兒童發(fā)展事業(yè),。以下是這位心理學(xué)家給父母的三大緊迫忠告:
停止過度陪伴孩子
沒錯,,您沒有看錯。海特認(rèn)為“高質(zhì)量陪伴”的重要性是個迷思,,實際上這對孩子弊大于利,。他在闡釋“兒童需要更多自主玩耍時間”的法則時談到了這一點。過度使用電子產(chǎn)品和父母如影隨形的監(jiān)護(hù),,都會剝奪這種成長機會,。
海特解釋稱:“父母不需要將培養(yǎng)孩子社交能力的責(zé)任全部攬在自己身上。父母的職責(zé)是提供適宜的環(huán)境和道德框架,?!彼赋觯?0世紀(jì)50,、60,、70和80年代,“母親們每天不會花費五小時育兒”,,因為孩子們經(jīng)常自己玩耍,,與其他孩子連續(xù)數(shù)小時嬉戲打鬧,小朋友從大孩子身上學(xué)習(xí)成長,。
他表示:“千禧一代之前的所有人都經(jīng)歷過這種童年,。”但這種模式在20世紀(jì)90年代發(fā)生了轉(zhuǎn)變,,當(dāng)時社會開始被對綁架和類似情況的恐懼所籠罩,。
海特繼續(xù)說道:“然而,大腦發(fā)育并不是在父母陪伴的時候。父母是孩子的安全基地,,是孩子的依戀對象,。當(dāng)孩子獲得安全感后,就會外出探索世界……這才是他們學(xué)習(xí)成長的機會,?!?/p>
他補充道,這正是“現(xiàn)代育兒方式不利于孩子——當(dāng)然更不利于成年人”的原因,,尤其對承擔(dān)全天候育兒重?fù)?dān)的母親而言,。
克萊因詢問他對于“拿出大量優(yōu)質(zhì)陪伴時間塑造優(yōu)秀父母”這種普遍觀念的看法。
海特回應(yīng)稱:“這絕對是錯誤的,。父母需要給予孩子優(yōu)質(zhì)的童年,,自身也需要成為優(yōu)質(zhì)的家長。但這不意味著必須投入大量優(yōu)質(zhì)陪伴時間,。父母需要的是一段溫暖,、信任、充滿愛的關(guān)系,,并提供規(guī)范,、秩序與管教?!?/p>
他強調(diào)過度陪伴“其實對孩子有害,,因為當(dāng)依戀對象在身邊時,他們難以充分成長”,。
認(rèn)清“iPad與電視有本質(zhì)區(qū)別”
海特表示,,他特別希望父母了解“iPad與電視存在本質(zhì)區(qū)別。電視是一種良性的娛樂方式,,它通過敘事傳遞內(nèi)容,。但觸屏設(shè)備是行為主義訓(xùn)練工具?!?/p>
他解釋稱,,我們在使用觸屏設(shè)備時,“先接收刺激,,做出反應(yīng),,隨后獲得獎勵——這會釋放微量多巴胺,驅(qū)使人不斷重復(fù)操作,?!彼硎?,這本質(zhì)上就像“馬戲團(tuán)馴獸師訓(xùn)練動物那樣訓(xùn)練兒童的行為,。因此讓3至5歲的幼童使用iPad或iPhone絕非好事”。
但家長仍可以區(qū)分“有意義地使用觸屏設(shè)備與有害的使用方式”。
海特指出,,播放至少90分鐘的電影是有意義的使用方式,,因為“孩子會專注地觀看一部長電影,電影中展示的是具有道德背景的虛構(gòu)世界,,會涉及善與惡,、規(guī)范與背叛等主題。這是道德教育和道德養(yǎng)成的一種途徑,?!彼€認(rèn)為,在理想情況下,,孩子應(yīng)與其他人共同觀看電影——最好是父母,,但兄弟姐妹或朋友也可以,“因為這是社交行為”,。
他指出,,相比之下,“真正有害的是讓孩子單獨使用iPad”,,特別是觀看YouTube視頻,。“這種方式的效果恰恰相反,。它完全背離社交屬性,。孩子接觸到的不是故事,或者他們觀看的是15秒短視頻,,要么缺乏道德,,要么明顯違背倫理,充斥著令人作嘔,、有辱人格的相互傷害行為,。”
克萊因補充說,,這種模式嚴(yán)重?fù)p害注意力持續(xù)時間,。他回憶起在孩子小的時候,他發(fā)現(xiàn)“YouTube的無限推送機制令人恐懼”,?!拔业暮⒆訌牟粫暾^看任何內(nèi)容,因為他們總在不斷點擊新的內(nèi)容,,因為永遠(yuǎn)有更有趣的內(nèi)容推送,。”
以最壞的視角看待人工智能
海特確信2025年是關(guān)鍵節(jié)點,,監(jiān)管機構(gòu),、家長等所有關(guān)心兒童電子產(chǎn)品使用的人士必須“迅速行動”,。他解釋稱:“今年過后,人工智能將對生活產(chǎn)生重大影響,?!?
這是因為,人類社會正從“AI讓你無所不知”轉(zhuǎn)向“AI令你無所不能”,。他警告稱,,AI智能體“將賦予我們?nèi)苤Γ@對兒童成長而言是可怕的,?!?
例如,按照自身喜好訂制理想朋友的能力,。
在提及與AI聊天機器人的關(guān)系時(例如去年導(dǎo)致一名14歲少年自殺的“虛擬戀人”事件),,海特呼吁:“我們采用的做法是禁止孩子們擁有這種虛擬友誼?!?/p>
他說道:“我認(rèn)為我們必須阻止這種趨勢,,這甚至與內(nèi)容無關(guān)。我們不能簡單地認(rèn)為:我們只需要加強內(nèi)容審核即可,。不,,我們需要做的不只這一點。我們需要意識到,,兒童必須在真實世界的道德環(huán)境中成長,,通過與其他孩子的互動,體驗自身行為的后果,。他們必須學(xué)會如何與令人沮喪的真實的人打交道,。”
他表示,,若放任孩子使用可隨意使喚,、永遠(yuǎn)奉承他們的AI伴侶,“我們就是在培養(yǎng)未來無人愿雇用或婚配的個體,,因此必須立即終止這種趨勢”,。
海特對遏制技術(shù)魔鬼仍抱有希望,因為不同于社交媒體,,AI尚未全面滲透到我們的生活當(dāng)中,。
他表示:“人工智能尚未完全融入人類社會,它尚處于初始階段,。實現(xiàn)全面滲透還需要兩三年時間,。”
海特表示,,在此之前必須牢記的一點是“硅谷在兌現(xiàn)承諾特別是涉及孩子的承諾方面劣跡斑斑,。他們曾宣稱社交媒體能連接所有人,,結(jié)果卻讓人們相互隔絕?!?/p>
盡管AI確實存在令人驚嘆的應(yīng)用場景,海特本人也認(rèn)可它的部分用途,,但他認(rèn)為關(guān)鍵是要認(rèn)識到“兒童不是成年人,。鑒于科技公司以往的記錄,我們必須預(yù)設(shè)這些AI伴侶將給孩子造成嚴(yán)重傷害”,。因此他建議帶著懷疑的眼光審視相關(guān)技術(shù),。
他說道:“首先假設(shè)它會傷害你的孩子,然后再謹(jǐn)慎地在一些無害的場景下應(yīng)用它,?!保ㄘ敻恢形木W(wǎng))
譯者:劉進(jìn)龍
審校:汪皓
社會心理學(xué)家、紐約大學(xué)(New York University)教授喬納森·海特是《焦慮的一代:童年大重構(gòu)如何引發(fā)心理健康危機》(The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness)一書的作者,。該書自一年前出版以來持續(xù)占據(jù)《紐約時報》暢銷書排行榜,。
播客《埃茲拉·克萊因秀》(Ezra Klein Show)的主持人埃茲拉·克萊因在上周二的節(jié)目中表示:“這本書引發(fā)了強烈共鳴?!边@期長達(dá)1小時13分鐘的節(jié)目邀請海特作為嘉賓,,探討了父母如何讓孩子遠(yuǎn)離電子產(chǎn)品這個由來已久的難題。
在這場廣泛深入的訪談中,,他們討論了海特提出的限制使用電子產(chǎn)品的四大黃金法則——高中前禁止使用智能手機,、16歲前禁止使用社交媒體、給予孩子更多無人監(jiān)管的玩耍時間與自主權(quán),,以及建立無手機校園,。令人欣慰的是,最后一條關(guān)于無手機校園的建議已在多州獲得響應(yīng),。
但在與克萊因的對話中,,海特進(jìn)一步拓展了這四條原則,警告稱“現(xiàn)代育兒方式”正在傷害而非推動兒童發(fā)展事業(yè),。以下是這位心理學(xué)家給父母的三大緊迫忠告:
停止過度陪伴孩子
沒錯,,您沒有看錯。海特認(rèn)為“高質(zhì)量陪伴”的重要性是個迷思,,實際上這對孩子弊大于利,。他在闡釋“兒童需要更多自主玩耍時間”的法則時談到了這一點。過度使用電子產(chǎn)品和父母如影隨形的監(jiān)護(hù),,都會剝奪這種成長機會,。
海特解釋稱:“父母不需要將培養(yǎng)孩子社交能力的責(zé)任全部攬在自己身上。父母的職責(zé)是提供適宜的環(huán)境和道德框架,?!彼赋?,在20世紀(jì)50、60,、70和80年代,,“母親們每天不會花費五小時育兒”,因為孩子們經(jīng)常自己玩耍,,與其他孩子連續(xù)數(shù)小時嬉戲打鬧,,小朋友從大孩子身上學(xué)習(xí)成長。
他表示:“千禧一代之前的所有人都經(jīng)歷過這種童年,?!钡@種模式在20世紀(jì)90年代發(fā)生了轉(zhuǎn)變,當(dāng)時社會開始被對綁架和類似情況的恐懼所籠罩,。
海特繼續(xù)說道:“然而,,大腦發(fā)育并不是在父母陪伴的時候。父母是孩子的安全基地,,是孩子的依戀對象,。當(dāng)孩子獲得安全感后,就會外出探索世界……這才是他們學(xué)習(xí)成長的機會,?!?/p>
他補充道,這正是“現(xiàn)代育兒方式不利于孩子——當(dāng)然更不利于成年人”的原因,,尤其對承擔(dān)全天候育兒重?fù)?dān)的母親而言,。
克萊因詢問他對于“拿出大量優(yōu)質(zhì)陪伴時間塑造優(yōu)秀父母”這種普遍觀念的看法。
海特回應(yīng)稱:“這絕對是錯誤的,。父母需要給予孩子優(yōu)質(zhì)的童年,,自身也需要成為優(yōu)質(zhì)的家長。但這不意味著必須投入大量優(yōu)質(zhì)陪伴時間,。父母需要的是一段溫暖,、信任、充滿愛的關(guān)系,,并提供規(guī)范,、秩序與管教?!?/p>
他強調(diào)過度陪伴“其實對孩子有害,,因為當(dāng)依戀對象在身邊時,他們難以充分成長”,。
認(rèn)清“iPad與電視有本質(zhì)區(qū)別”
海特表示,,他特別希望父母了解“iPad與電視存在本質(zhì)區(qū)別。電視是一種良性的娛樂方式,,它通過敘事傳遞內(nèi)容,。但觸屏設(shè)備是行為主義訓(xùn)練工具,。”
他解釋稱,,我們在使用觸屏設(shè)備時,,“先接收刺激,做出反應(yīng),,隨后獲得獎勵——這會釋放微量多巴胺,,驅(qū)使人不斷重復(fù)操作?!彼硎荆@本質(zhì)上就像“馬戲團(tuán)馴獸師訓(xùn)練動物那樣訓(xùn)練兒童的行為,。因此讓3至5歲的幼童使用iPad或iPhone絕非好事”,。
但家長仍可以區(qū)分“有意義地使用觸屏設(shè)備與有害的使用方式”。
海特指出,,播放至少90分鐘的電影是有意義的使用方式,,因為“孩子會專注地觀看一部長電影,電影中展示的是具有道德背景的虛構(gòu)世界,,會涉及善與惡,、規(guī)范與背叛等主題。這是道德教育和道德養(yǎng)成的一種途徑,?!彼€認(rèn)為,在理想情況下,,孩子應(yīng)與其他人共同觀看電影——最好是父母,,但兄弟姐妹或朋友也可以,“因為這是社交行為”,。
他指出,,相比之下,“真正有害的是讓孩子單獨使用iPad”,,特別是觀看YouTube視頻,。“這種方式的效果恰恰相反,。它完全背離社交屬性,。孩子接觸到的不是故事,或者他們觀看的是15秒短視頻,,要么缺乏道德,,要么明顯違背倫理,充斥著令人作嘔,、有辱人格的相互傷害行為,?!?/p>
克萊因補充說,這種模式嚴(yán)重?fù)p害注意力持續(xù)時間,。他回憶起在孩子小的時候,,他發(fā)現(xiàn)“YouTube的無限推送機制令人恐懼”?!拔业暮⒆訌牟粫暾^看任何內(nèi)容,,因為他們總在不斷點擊新的內(nèi)容,因為永遠(yuǎn)有更有趣的內(nèi)容推送,?!?/p>
以最壞的視角看待人工智能
海特確信2025年是關(guān)鍵節(jié)點,監(jiān)管機構(gòu),、家長等所有關(guān)心兒童電子產(chǎn)品使用的人士必須“迅速行動”,。他解釋稱:“今年過后,人工智能將對生活產(chǎn)生重大影響,?!?
這是因為,人類社會正從“AI讓你無所不知”轉(zhuǎn)向“AI令你無所不能”,。他警告稱,,AI智能體“將賦予我們?nèi)苤Γ@對兒童成長而言是可怕的,?!?
例如,按照自身喜好訂制理想朋友的能力,。
在提及與AI聊天機器人的關(guān)系時(例如去年導(dǎo)致一名14歲少年自殺的“虛擬戀人”事件),,海特呼吁:“我們采用的做法是禁止孩子們擁有這種虛擬友誼?!?/p>
他說道:“我認(rèn)為我們必須阻止這種趨勢,,這甚至與內(nèi)容無關(guān)。我們不能簡單地認(rèn)為:我們只需要加強內(nèi)容審核即可,。不,,我們需要做的不只這一點。我們需要意識到,,兒童必須在真實世界的道德環(huán)境中成長,,通過與其他孩子的互動,體驗自身行為的后果,。他們必須學(xué)會如何與令人沮喪的真實的人打交道,。”
他表示,若放任孩子使用可隨意使喚,、永遠(yuǎn)奉承他們的AI伴侶,,“我們就是在培養(yǎng)未來無人愿雇用或婚配的個體,因此必須立即終止這種趨勢”,。
海特對遏制技術(shù)魔鬼仍抱有希望,,因為不同于社交媒體,AI尚未全面滲透到我們的生活當(dāng)中,。
他表示:“人工智能尚未完全融入人類社會,,它尚處于初始階段。實現(xiàn)全面滲透還需要兩三年時間,?!?/p>
海特表示,在此之前必須牢記的一點是“硅谷在兌現(xiàn)承諾特別是涉及孩子的承諾方面劣跡斑斑,。他們曾宣稱社交媒體能連接所有人,,結(jié)果卻讓人們相互隔絕?!?/p>
盡管AI確實存在令人驚嘆的應(yīng)用場景,,海特本人也認(rèn)可它的部分用途,,但他認(rèn)為關(guān)鍵是要認(rèn)識到“兒童不是成年人,。鑒于科技公司以往的記錄,我們必須預(yù)設(shè)這些AI伴侶將給孩子造成嚴(yán)重傷害”,。因此他建議帶著懷疑的眼光審視相關(guān)技術(shù),。
他說道:“首先假設(shè)它會傷害你的孩子,然后再謹(jǐn)慎地在一些無害的場景下應(yīng)用它,?!保ㄘ敻恢形木W(wǎng))
譯者:劉進(jìn)龍
審校:汪皓
Social psychologist and New York University professor Jonathan Haidt is the author of The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness, which has remained on the New York Times bestseller list since it was published one year ago.
“It has struck a chord,” said Ezra Klein Show host Ezra Klein on Tuesday’s episode of the podcast, which featured Haidt as a guest for an hour-and-13-minute discussion on the endless parenting struggle of trying to keep kids off screens.
The wide-ranging interview expounded upon Haidt’s four golden rules for curbing screen use—no smartphones before high school, no social media before 16, far more unsupervised play and independence for kids, and phone-free schools—and celebrated the fact that the last recommendation, about schools, is seeing some traction in various states.
But he also, in speaking with Klein, expanded on his four rules, warning that “modern parenting” appears to be hurting, not helping, the cause. Below, three of his most urgent messages to parents.
Stop spending so much time with your kids
Yes, you read that right. According to Haidt, the importance of “quality time” is a myth, and in fact does your child a disservice. He discussed this within the context of his rule about kids needing more unsupervised play, which is something too much screen time—as well as an omnipresent parent—robs.
“It’s not the parent’s job to socialize the child all along. It’s the parent’s job to provide the right environment to provide certain kinds of moral frameworks,” Haidt explained. He noted that, in the 1950s, ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s, “women were not spending five hours a day parenting,” because kids were more often left to their own devices—playing and roaming for hours at a time with other kids, the younger ones learning from the older ones.
“Everyone before the millennials had this childhood,” he said, noting that it shifted in the 1990s, when fears of abduction and the like took over.
“But the real work of brain development doesn’t happen when you’re with your parents. Your parents are home base—they’re your attachment figure,” Haidt continued. “When you feel securely attached, then you go off and explore…and that’s where the learning happens.”
It’s why, he added, “modern parenting is not good for the kids—and certainly not good for the adults,” particularly moms, who tend to bear the brunt of round-the-clock parenting.
But, Klein asked, what about the widely held belief that spending lots of quality time with your kids is what makes a good parent?
“It’s definitely not true,” Haidt said. “You want to give your kids a quality childhood. You want to be a quality parent. But that doesn’t mean that you have to spend a lot of quality time with your kid. You need a warm, trusting, loving relationship. You need to provide structure and order and discipline.”
Too much time with a parent, he stressed, “is really bad for the kids because they don’t grow as much if their attachment figure is there.”
Understand that “the iPad is not like TV”
Something Haidt really wants parents to comprehend, he said, “is that the iPad is not like TV. TV is a good way of entertainment. TV puts out a story. But a touch screen is a behaviorist training device.”
When using a touch screen, he explained, “you get a stimulus, you make a response, and then you get a reward, which gives you a little bit of dopamine and makes you want to do it again and again and again.” It can basically “train your child the way a circus trainer can train an animal,” he added. “So, iPad or iPhone time for your 3-, 4- or 5-year-old is just not a good thing.”
Still, there are ways that parents can distinguish between “a pretty good use of screens and a really bad use of screens.”
A pretty good use, Haidt said, is to put on a movie that’s at least 90 minutes long. That way, “they’re going to pay attention to a long movie about characters in a moral universe. There are issues of good and bad and norms and betrayal. It’s part of their moral training, their moral formation.” And ideally, he added, they’ll be watching it with another person—hopefully a parent, but a sibling or friend is also okay, he said, “because it’s social.”
By contrast, he noted, “Here’s what’s really bad: iPad time by yourself,” specifically YouTube. “Because that’s exactly the opposite. It’s solitary. They’re not consuming stories—or, if they are, they are 15 seconds long and either amoral or really immoral—disgusting, degrading things, people doing terrible things to each other.”
That does a number on attention span, Klein added, who recalled finding the “endlessness of YouTube” to be “terrifying” when his kids were little. “My kids would never even watch a full thing, because they were always hitting the next thing under it. Because there’s always something more interesting.”
Assume the worst about AI
Haidt feels certain that 2025 is the year regulators and parents and anyone else with an interest in protecting kids from screens need to “move quickly,” he explained. “This is really our last year before A.I. really has a big impact on life.”
That’s because society is moving “from the idea that AI enables you to know everything” to the idea that “AI allows you to do everything.” Now AI agents “are going to give us omnipotence,” he warned. “And that would be horrible for children.”
That includes the ability to create friends to your specific likings.
“The way we adapt is by preventing kids from having these friendships,” he urged, referring to AI chatbot relationships—such as the romantic one that led to the suicide of a 14-year-old last year.
“I think we have to stop. This is not even about the content. We have to stop saying: Oh, we just need better content moderation. No, we don’t,” he said. “We need to realize kids have to go through a childhood in the real world with other kids within a moral universe where they experience the consequences of their own actions. And they have to learn how to deal with real people who are frustrating.”
If we give our kids AI companions that they can order around and will always flatter them, he continued, “we are creating people who no one will want to employ or marry. So we’ve got to stop.”
Haidt is hopeful that it’s not too late to put the genie back in the bottle—because unlike social media, AI is not yet fully enmeshed in our lives.
“A.I. is not yet entangled. AI is just coming in,” he said. “And in two or three years it will be entangled.”
And what’s vital to remember before then, Haidt said, is that “Silicon Valley has a horrible track record at living up to its promises, especially for kids. They claimed that social media is going to connect everyone. No, it actually disconnected everyone.”
And while there are amazing uses for AI, some of which Haidt appreciates, it’s important to understand that “children are not adults,” he said. “And given the track record so far, we have to assume that these A.I. companions will be very bad for our children.” So approach it with a skeptical eye, he advises.
“Start by assuming it’s harming your kids,” he said, “and then you can bring in some uses where it’s not.”