你也許就是那種可以讓錢(qián)為你打工的幸運(yùn)兒?？上也皇?，我的錢(qián)似乎總是很懶,，“錢(qián)生錢(qián)”這種事從來(lái)沒(méi)有在我這實(shí)現(xiàn)過(guò)，我只能打工賺錢(qián),。

我不會(huì)像美國(guó)那些娛樂(lè)界名媛家族的千金小姐們那樣,，在聚會(huì)上露個(gè)面就有人付錢(qián)；或是坐在地下室給什么人指點(diǎn)指點(diǎn)最近的風(fēng)向,，不管說(shuō)得對(duì)不對(duì)先把一沓錢(qián)收入囊中,；也沒(méi)人在我探尋全球貨幣流向的細(xì)微變動(dòng)之時(shí)，給我斟上一杯23年派比?范?溫克波本酒,。

那些都不是我,。看起來(lái),，我的命就是天亮起床,、刮臉、穿上制服后出門(mén)在礦山里勞作,，等到收工哨聲響起,，我再拖著疲憊的身軀回到簡(jiǎn)陋的床鋪上蝸居幾個(gè)小時(shí)。第二天一大早,，就再重復(fù)前一天的事情,。

我這么做不是因?yàn)槲蚁矚g，只是因?yàn)檫@樣做有錢(qián)賺,。估計(jì),，這就是人們稱之為“工作”的工作吧。我其實(shí)并不怎么在意什么是工作,，但是說(shuō)實(shí)話,，我確實(shí)很珍惜挖礦多年攢下的每一分錢(qián)。不管是什么原因造成了損失,，我都會(huì)心痛不已,。

這股“怕?lián)p失”的巨大沖動(dòng)，就是貫穿我所有投資策略的最大動(dòng)力,。除此之外,，我還相信，市場(chǎng)就是個(gè)非理性的怪物,，任何時(shí)候都是由人類(lèi)的貪婪和恐懼驅(qū)動(dòng)的,。

以下是我這些年來(lái)一直奉行的投資守則：

1、不要虧錢(qián)

我上面已經(jīng)說(shuō)過(guò)了,，真正能保本的投資對(duì)象通常指的是債券,。雖然券面價(jià)值時(shí)漲時(shí)跌，但最后總可以收回本金，而這對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)至關(guān)重要,。

2,、不要投資作惡的公司

有些公司行事卑鄙下流至極，造成巨大的負(fù)面影響,。我不想從他們身上賺錢(qián),，更不想因他們賠錢(qián)。

3,、投資你日常使用的東西

對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，這是指無(wú)糖汽水,、干酪漢堡和醫(yī)療衛(wèi)生,，以及蘋(píng)果和谷歌。這樣一想,，獨(dú)角獸滅絕或許是有合理性的,。

4、不要分散投資

每一個(gè)所謂的投資專(zhuān)業(yè)人士都說(shuō)要將投資分散在各個(gè)行業(yè),。你知道我身邊有多少人因?yàn)檫@個(gè)糟糕的建議損失慘重嗎,？簡(jiǎn)直是一派胡言！市場(chǎng)崩潰時(shí),，誰(shuí)的損失最慘重,？就是那些聽(tīng)信白癡說(shuō)要分散投資的白癡，就是他們,。注意,！我們?cè)谡f(shuō)什么？哦,，對(duì)了...

5,、永遠(yuǎn)不要相信市場(chǎng)是理性的

市場(chǎng)不是理性的。市場(chǎng)是愚蠢的,，原因多種多樣,。恐懼會(huì)讓你變蠢,。貪婪會(huì)讓你變蠢,。最重要的是，期待會(huì)讓你變蠢,。

6,、想賭博就去維加斯

你去過(guò)嗎？不妨找個(gè)時(shí)間去一趟,。親身站在賭場(chǎng)里,，再仔細(xì)想想賭博和投資游戲有何區(qū)別。來(lái)，告訴我,。

7,、珍惜你的錢(qián)袋

你會(huì)為了一只更好的狗而賭上自己的狗嗎？你會(huì)在撲克牌桌上拿自己的孩子當(dāng)作賭注嗎,？當(dāng)然不會(huì),。那為什么要為一些不切實(shí)際的胡話押上可愛(ài)的、美妙的,、來(lái)之不易的鈔票呢,？

總之，最好的投資能帶來(lái)的最大回報(bào)就是安心,。所以,，我打算投資全世界最好的床墊。好床墊能讓我睡好覺(jué),，而且我能十分確信自己是躺在辛苦賺來(lái)的勞動(dòng)果實(shí)上,。

說(shuō)起來(lái)，我似乎真的找到了一款頂級(jí)的瑞典床墊,。它由Hastens公司手工打造,，報(bào)價(jià)僅僅為49,500美元。是的,，我知道很貴,。但是，這款床墊一定超級(jí)大,，能裝的現(xiàn)金肯定特別多啊,。(財(cái)富中文網(wǎng))

斯坦利?賓（Stanley Bing）是BingCo.執(zhí)行主席、《財(cái)富》雜志專(zhuān)欄作家,。其文筆幽默,、老辣，頗受讀者喜愛(ài),。著作包括《你可以再狠一點(diǎn)》,、《與象共舞：管理上司的藝術(shù)》、《職場(chǎng)兵法》,、《一百種沒(méi)用的工作,，以及如何得到它們》、《搞定惡老板》,、《羅馬跨國(guó)企業(yè)》等,。

譯者：馮豐

校對(duì)：夏林

Nobody pays me like a Kardashian just for showing up at the party. Or rewards me with a nice slice of money pie for sitting on my fundament and advising other people which way the weather is going to turn, whether or not I get it right. Or gives me a tumbler of 23-year-old Pappy Van Winkle to sip as I search for micro shifts in global currencies.

No, my fate, it seems, is to rise at dawn, scrape my face, strap on a monkey suit, and go out the door to labor in the mines until the whistle blows and I can drag my tired carcass back to my little pallet to grab a few hours of rest. Then the next day dawns, and I start it all over again. I don’t do it because I love it all the time. I do it because they pay me. That’s why they call it a job, I guess. I don’t mind it, exactly, but I’ll tell you that I certainly do appreciate every dollar I’ve managed to assemble after years of digging that salt. And losing any of it for any reason whatsoever makes me sort of sick to my stomach.

This powerful drive never to see even a centime circle the drain if I can absolutely avoid itis the central artery that pumps lifeblood into my entire investment strategy. That, paired with my conviction that the market is an irrational monster driven at any moment by other people’s greed and fear, has produced certain operating imperatives:

1、Don’t Lose Any @#$% Money.

Like I said. This, for the most part, means bonds. Value goes up or down, but in the end you get your principal back. That means a lot to me.

2,、Don’t Invest in Evil.

There are companies that do really lousy things and have a huge negative impact on the world. I don’t want to make money on them. Or worse, lose money on them.

3,、Invest in What You Use.

For me, this means diet soda, cheeseburgers, and health care. And Apple AAPL 0.77% and Google GOOGL 2.17% . Also, there’s probably a reason unicorns are extinct.

4,、Don’t Diversify.

Every supposed market intellectual says to spread out one’s investments across the industrial firmament. Do you know how many people I know who lost a bundle following that BS advice? What a crock! When everything crashes, who loses the most? Idiots who listened to idiots who told them to invest in everything, that’s who. Focus! What were we talking about? Oh, yes?…

5、Never Believe That the Market Is Rational.

It isn’t. The market is stupid, for a variety of reasons. Fear makes you stupid. Greed makes you stupid. Most of all, hope makes you stupid.

6,、If You Want to Gamble, Go to Vegas.

Have you been? Visit sometime. Stand in the middle of a big casino. Now spend some time wondering how this is different from the investment game. Go ahead. Tell me how.

7. Love Your Money.

Would you risk your dog for a chance of getting a better one? Would you bet your kids in a poker game? Of course not. Then why would you risk your lovely, delicious, hard-won money on some aspirational bushwa?

In the end, the best investments never really pay off in anything but peace of mind. That’s why I’m planning to invest in the best possible mattress I can find. It will help me sleep well, firm in the knowledge that I’m resting on the product of my own labor. There’s this handmade model by a Swedish company called Hastens that lists for a mere $49,500. Steep, I know. But man, that’s got to be one fantastic mattress. Think how much cash that baby could hold.?