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????親愛的安妮：謝麗爾?桑德伯格發(fā)起運(yùn)動(dòng),，號(hào)召人們不要在女性表現(xiàn)出男性身上備受推崇的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)特質(zhì)時(shí)給她們貼上“強(qiáng)勢(shì)”的標(biāo)簽,。我們辦公室的一小群女士（包括我）就這個(gè)話題展開了討論，我們很好奇您和您的讀者是怎么想的,。從我還是小孩時(shí)開始,，一直到上個(gè)老板對(duì)我進(jìn)行績(jī)效評(píng)估,，別人一直說我“強(qiáng)勢(shì)”。

????也許是我對(duì)這個(gè)問題太敏感了,，因?yàn)槲也⒉挥X得自己強(qiáng)勢(shì),，只是意志堅(jiān)定、要求嚴(yán)格罷了,，跟我的那些男同事沒什么區(qū)別?，F(xiàn)在，我女兒也被她的排球隊(duì)隊(duì)友形容為強(qiáng)勢(shì)了,，這一點(diǎn)確實(shí)讓我很困擾。另一方面,，辦公室的一些女同事說,，被稱作強(qiáng)勢(shì)只是又一種我們需要學(xué)著忽略和克服的刻板偏見罷了。我想請(qǐng)問您對(duì)這個(gè)問題怎么看,？——并不強(qiáng)勢(shì)的老板

????親愛的“并不強(qiáng)勢(shì)的老板”：你的簽名聽起來很像碧昂斯在她為桑德伯格的活動(dòng)拍的電視廣告中用的口號(hào)（“我是老板,，我不強(qiáng)勢(shì)?！保?，康多莉扎?賴斯（美國前國務(wù)卿——譯注）和女演員詹妮弗?加納也參與拍攝了這一系列廣告。上個(gè)月,，這組廣告在新聞界引發(fā)了不小的爭(zhēng)議,。禁用“強(qiáng)勢(shì)”一詞活動(dòng)背后的想法以及美國女童子軍協(xié)助承辦這項(xiàng)活動(dòng)的理由是，人們用“專橫”這個(gè)詞來形容女孩（比如自己的女兒）,，會(huì)妨礙她們發(fā)展自己的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)才能,，而這是她們長大后獲得成功所必需的素質(zhì)。

????這個(gè)觀點(diǎn)或許有一定道理,。倫敦商學(xué)院（London Business School）教授組織行為學(xué)的加布里埃爾?亞當(dāng)斯反問：“‘專橫’這個(gè)詞為什么不好,？難道因?yàn)樗偸怯迷谂陨砩希詭狭素?fù)面的涵義,？還是因?yàn)樗兄?fù)面涵義,，才被用于形容強(qiáng)勢(shì)的女性？”她表示,，無論是哪種,，這個(gè)詞都在暗示：“有人接受或行使著他們無權(quán)享有的權(quán)力。他們已經(jīng)踩過界了,?！?/p>

????倫敦商學(xué)院對(duì)2,218名女經(jīng)理進(jìn)行了調(diào)查，詢問是否有人用這個(gè)詞形容過她們,。結(jié)果有54%的受訪者表示她們?cè)诠ぷ髦杏兄辽僖淮伪蝗朔Q作“專橫”的經(jīng)歷,。

????亞當(dāng)斯說：“擁有同樣特質(zhì)的男性可能會(huì)被形容為果斷或者強(qiáng)勢(shì),。”她指出,，普林斯頓大學(xué)（Princeton University）的心理學(xué)教授蘇珊?菲斯克經(jīng)過多年調(diào)查,，發(fā)現(xiàn)男性可以同時(shí)獲得討人喜歡和能干的印象，而女性越能干就會(huì)越不討人喜歡,。

????亞當(dāng)斯說：“鐵腕女性違背了人們認(rèn)為的‘正?！缘呐e止——順從和謙遜，這一點(diǎn)可能會(huì)令人不安,，甚至對(duì)人產(chǎn)生威脅,，這就是為什么‘專橫’帶上了這么多的敵意?！?/p>

????那么女性應(yīng)當(dāng)如何應(yīng)對(duì)呢,？亞當(dāng)斯說：“如果有人這么說你，你當(dāng)然可以去他們解釋,，為什么你會(huì)有（給你贏得這種名聲）想法或行動(dòng),。但這就意味著女性需要比男性花上更多時(shí)間和精力去進(jìn)行自我保護(hù)，為自己的行為辯護(hù),?！?/p>

????事實(shí)果真如此嗎？這點(diǎn)就遠(yuǎn)沒有那么明顯了,。職業(yè)生涯規(guī)劃公司Career Leverage的總裁南希?弗雷德伯格長期為高管提供培訓(xùn),，她經(jīng)常被邀請(qǐng)去大公司和男性高管打交道，那些人“不會(huì)被人說成‘專橫’,，但他們的同事確實(shí)會(huì)抱怨他們‘粗魯’,、‘傲慢’甚至‘恃強(qiáng)凌弱’。這是同樣的行為,，只是用了不同的詞語來形容,。”（對(duì)于那些專橫跋扈的男老板,，她最喜歡的委婉形容是“不近人情”,。）

????弗雷德伯格表示，無論這個(gè)難以相處的人是男是女,，培訓(xùn)方式都是一樣的：搞清這個(gè)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)是為什么,，怎么會(huì)惹怒同事的，然后幫助他或她改變這些冒犯性的行為,。

????弗雷德伯格說：“最高效的那些領(lǐng)導(dǎo)不論男女,，都可以在獨(dú)斷和強(qiáng)勢(shì)的同時(shí)受到人們的尊敬。他們可以指出問題和錯(cuò)誤,，同時(shí)不傷害別人的自尊,。反之,，無論你是男是女，表現(xiàn)出很強(qiáng)的控制欲或者非常挑剔,，都會(huì)被認(rèn)為是‘專橫’和‘粗魯’——對(duì)任何人來說,，這都不是一種合適的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)風(fēng)格?！?/p>

????Dear Annie: A little band of women in my office (including me) have been talking about Sheryl Sandberg's campaign to get people to stop calling girls "bossy" when they show leadership traits that would be praised for boys, and we're curious about what you and your readers think. I have been called "bossy" all my life, starting when I was just a kid, right up through performance evaluations at my last employer.

????Maybe I'm super sensitive about this, because I don't see myself as bossy, just firm and demanding, the same as my male colleagues. Now, my daughter is getting called bossy by her volleyball teammates, which really bugs me. On the other hand, some women here say that being called bossy is just one of those negative stereotypes we should learn to ignore and rise above. Your thoughts, please? -- Not Bossy, Just the Boss

????Dear N.B.J.B.: Your signature sounds like what Beyonce said in her TV ads for Sandberg's crusade ("I'm not bossy. I'm the boss."), a series of spots that also featured Condoleezza Rice and actress Jennifer Garner and kicked off a brief storm of controversy in the press last month. The thinking behind banning "bossy" -- and the reason the effort is co-sponsored by the Girl Scouts of the United States -- is that calling girls like your daughter, but not boys, "bossy" discourages female kids from developing the leadership skills they'll need to succeed as adults.

????There's probably some truth to that. "Why is 'bossy' always bad?" asks Gabrielle Adams, who teaches organizational behavior at the London Business School. "Does it have a negative connotation because it's always applied to women? Or is 'bossiness' ascribed to strong women because it's negative?" Either way, she says, the word implies that "someone is assuming, or exercising, authority they're not entitled to. They're overstepping their bounds."

????When London Business School asked 2,218 women managers if the word had ever been applied to them, 54% said they'd been called bossy at some point, or at more than one point, in their careers.

????"A man showing the same traits would probably be called decisive or powerful instead," Adams notes. She points to years of research by Princeton University psychology professor Susan Fiske showing that, while men can be considered both likable and competent, women are perceived as less likable the more competent they are.

????"A woman who is a strong leader is violating what people may regard as 'normal' feminine behavior, which is submissive and self-effacing," says Adams. "That can be unsettling or even threatening, which is why 'bossy' carries such a load of hostility."

????So how should women respond? "You can certainly call someone on it if they call you that, and explain why you hold the opinion or take the approach" that earned you the epithet, Adams says. "But that just means that women have to spend more time and energy defending themselves, and justifying their behavior, than men do."

????Or do they? Here's where it gets a lot less clear. Nancy Friedberg, a longtime executive coach and president of Career Leverage, often gets called in to large companies to work with male senior managers who "don't get called 'bossy,' but their colleagues do complain that they're 'abrasive' or 'arrogant' or even 'bullying.' It's the same behavior, just described in different terms." (Her favorite HR euphemism for domineering male bosses is "rough around the edges.")

????Whether the difficult person in question is male or female, Friedberg says, the coaching method is the same: Figure out how and why this manager has gotten co-workers' hackles up, and help him or her to alter the offending behavior.

????"The most effective leaders of either sex can be assertive and strong while still being respectful," Friedberg says. "They can point out problems and mistakes while still leaving others' dignity intact. Whether you're male or female, being highly controlling or judgmental is what's seen as 'bossy' or 'abrasive' -- and it's not a leadership style that works well for anybody."