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????親愛(ài)的安妮：昨晚我不得不加班到晚上九點(diǎn)半完成一個(gè)項(xiàng)目,，還因此錯(cuò)過(guò)了女兒的鋼琴獨(dú)奏會(huì),。原因是團(tuán)隊(duì)的一位成員屢教不改，再一次沒(méi)有做好自己那部分工作，下午5點(diǎn)就大搖大擺走了,。（項(xiàng)目的截止期限是今天早上，“我們”完成了,，他啥活也沒(méi)干,。）團(tuán)隊(duì)里的其他人也多次遇到過(guò)此人干活偷懶，因此不光是我一個(gè)人,。但我越來(lái)越感覺(jué)自己像個(gè)傻子,。

????迄今為止，他從來(lái)沒(méi)有因?yàn)橥祽杏龅竭^(guò)什么麻煩,，因?yàn)樗谵k公室里非常討人喜歡,，每個(gè)人都避而不談他偷懶的事情。但我真地認(rèn)為,，是時(shí)候采取點(diǎn)行動(dòng)了,。我應(yīng)當(dāng)告訴老板實(shí)情嗎？你怎么想,？——西雅圖煩心

????親愛(ài)的煩心：這個(gè)人已經(jīng)千百次地將自己的工作壓在你身上,，你到現(xiàn)在才感到憤怒？你和其他承受超額工作量的團(tuán)隊(duì)成員都太有耐心了,。但生悶氣可能只會(huì)讓情況更糟,。“別人偷懶的時(shí)候不吭聲,，等于是默許繼續(xù)這樣做,，”培訓(xùn)和發(fā)展公司VitalSmarts的共同創(chuàng)始人、《必要的沖突》（Crucial Confrontations）一書的共同作者凱瑞?帕特森表示,。

????是的,，你的兩難處境并不少見(jiàn)。帕特森說(shuō)：“過(guò)去30年來(lái)我們?cè)谝恍┱{(diào)查中發(fā)現(xiàn),，‘有人偷懶不干活’一直是人們抱怨最多的問(wèn)題之一,。”比如,，本月早些時(shí)候?qū)s550位全職就業(yè)者進(jìn)行的一次網(wǎng)絡(luò)調(diào)查顯示,，約93%的人表示，他們的身邊至少有一位同事沒(méi)有做好分內(nèi)的工作,。

????但只有約10%的人遇到有同事考核不達(dá)標(biāo),。“大多數(shù)人擔(dān)心,，如果他們說(shuō)什么的話,，可能會(huì)發(fā)生不愉快。他們希望避免沖突和不快，或者甚至是報(bào)復(fù),，”帕特森表示,。“更簡(jiǎn)單的做法是咬咬牙,，多做點(diǎn)”——直到忍無(wú)可忍才開(kāi)始想轍,。

????他補(bǔ)充說(shuō)：“通常人們會(huì)等到實(shí)在無(wú)法忍受才會(huì)爆發(fā)。問(wèn)題是這這座往往無(wú)濟(jì)于事,，甚至可能起到反作用,。即便你100%是對(duì)的，大發(fā)脾氣只會(huì)讓你看上去缺乏職業(yè)素養(yǎng)和自我控制力,?！闭l(shuí)想這樣呢？

????因此,，你應(yīng)該采取什么行動(dòng)才能真的有所幫助呢,？首先，不要把偷懶的人直接丟給老板,，至少現(xiàn)在還不是時(shí)候,。“如果你不是先和這個(gè)人談?wù)?，就直接就跑到老板那里,，你們就算不上一個(gè)真正的團(tuán)隊(duì)，”帕特森說(shuō),。不妨私下約談這位出格的團(tuán)隊(duì)成員(也許只是午餐時(shí)談?wù)?，因?yàn)樗沁@樣一個(gè)有趣的人)，而且在和他會(huì)面前,，先把自己的情緒平復(fù)下來(lái),。

????“你的態(tài)度和用詞非常重要。不要被憤怒沖昏了頭腦,，完全失去了判斷力,，要知道你是要告訴他一點(diǎn)自己的想法，”帕特森說(shuō),?！白⒁怦雎?tīng)。聽(tīng)聽(tīng)他是怎么看待這種情形的,?！庇檬聦?shí)說(shuō)話。比如,，“上周,，我的理解是你做X，我做Y，但結(jié)果都是我做了,。這是怎么回事,？你對(duì)這個(gè)項(xiàng)目的理解，和我一樣嗎,？你怎么看自己在這里面的角色,？”

????Dear Annie: Last night, for the zillionth time, I had to stay until 9:30 p.m. -- missing my daughter's piano recital -- to finish a project because another member of my team went waltzing out the door at 5 p.m. without completing his share of the work. (The deadline was this morning, and "we" made it, no thanks to him.) Other people on our team have also picked up the slack for this person on many occasions, so it's not just me, but I'm really starting to feel like a chump.

????So far, he's gotten away with slacking off because he's very likable and fun to have around, and everybody has tiptoed around the fact that he's not doing his job, but I really think it's time to do something about this. Should I tell our boss what's been going on? What do you think? —Steamed in Seattle

????Dear Steamed: This person has saddled you with his work a zillion times, and you're just getting mad now? You and your overburdened teammates are remarkably patient. But seething silently is probably just making things worse. "By not speaking up when someone isn't pulling his or her weight, you're tacitly giving that person permission to keep on with the behavior," notes Kerry Patterson, co-founder of training and development firm VitalSmarts and co-author of a book called Crucial Confrontations.

????Alas, your dilemma is far from unique. "When we've done surveys over the past 30 years, one of the top complaints that always comes up is 'carrying dead wood,'" Patterson says. In an online poll of about 550 full-time employees earlier this month, for instance, 93% said they work with at least one person who isn't doing his or her fair share.

????Still, only one in 10 has confronted an under-performing coworker. "Most people worry that bad things will happen if they say something. They want to avoid conflict and unpleasantness, or even retaliation," says Patterson. "It's easier to just grit their teeth and do the extra work" -- up to a point, anyway, and then look out.

????"What usually happens," he adds, "is that people wait until they are really fed up, and then they blow their stack. The trouble is, that doesn't usually do any good and, what's worse, it can backfire on you. Even if you're completely in the right, losing your temper makes you look unprofessional and out of control." And who needs that?

????So what should you do that might actually help? First, don't rat out the slacker to your boss, at least not yet. "You'll never be a real team if you go running to the boss without talking to each other first," Patterson says. Instead, make an appointment to speak with your errant teammate in private (maybe even over lunch, since he's such a fun guy) and, before you meet with him, calm yourself down.

????"It's all in your attitude and the language you use. Don't go in all angry and full of judgment, with the idea that you're going to give him a piece of your mind," says Patterson. "Instead, be curious. Find out how he sees the situation." And stick with the facts. Say something like, "Last week, my understanding was that you'd be doing X and I would cover Y, but I ended up doing both. What was up with that? Did you understand this project the same way I did? How did you see your part in it?"