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????親愛(ài)的安妮：我最近讀到了一篇您的專欄文章,，內(nèi)容是如何巧妙利用關(guān)系網(wǎng)，同時(shí)保持好人緣,。我最近就為您提到的這種“社交疲勞”而困擾不已,。由于我曾經(jīng)擔(dān)任過(guò)幾個(gè)頗為顯要的職位，所以在行業(yè)內(nèi)頗有名氣，也認(rèn)識(shí)不少業(yè)內(nèi)人士,，結(jié)果各類求助信息紛至沓來(lái),，希望我能夠幫忙推薦（既有“面對(duì)面”的，也有在線方式）,，引薦或提供就業(yè)信息及建議等,。

????我也希望能幫上忙，尤其是為那些花了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間找工作的人,，但現(xiàn)在情況已經(jīng)失去了控制,。我是否有義務(wù)推薦他們？對(duì)于有些求助的人,，我甚至都不了解他們的工作情況,；而在我了解的人當(dāng)中，有些人本身做得就不夠好,。我能不能只回復(fù)個(gè)別人的求助,，同時(shí)又能確保我的社交關(guān)系網(wǎng)不被破壞？——萬(wàn)人迷先生

????親愛(ài)的萬(wàn)人迷：首先來(lái)回答你的第一個(gè)問(wèn)題：不,，只要你不愿意,，你就沒(méi)有義務(wù)去給任何人提供推薦信。從法律上來(lái)講,，前雇主壓根沒(méi)有義務(wù)對(duì)任何推薦請(qǐng)求做出回應(yīng),，大部分大公司的政策是，（可完全自主決定）只提供最少的信息,，比如工作職位與受雇日期等,。

????撇開(kāi)法律規(guī)定不談,，你最大的難題在于,，既要做出正確的選擇，又要保證不被這些事情占據(jù)你全部的業(yè)余時(shí)間,。

????高管求職網(wǎng)站TheLadders.com的創(chuàng)始人兼CEO馬克?塞內(nèi)德?tīng)枌?duì)此有自己的看法,。他與你一樣，也曾因?yàn)榇罅可缃蝗?nèi)的求助而困擾不已,。他提供了以下四條建議：

????1. 設(shè)定時(shí)間限制,。他強(qiáng)調(diào)：“其實(shí)，這也屬于時(shí)間管理問(wèn)題,，就如同你能夠拿出多少時(shí)間指導(dǎo)孩子的足球隊(duì),，或者你每周能有幾個(gè)小時(shí)做義工。答案可能是沒(méi)空,，或者10個(gè)小時(shí),，或者完全視自己的情況而定。但一定要提前確定自己愿意拿出的時(shí)間，并始終堅(jiān)持這個(gè)既定的時(shí)限,?！?/p>

????2. 把大部分時(shí)間和精力用在最感興趣的交流上。為了使自己的投入物有所值,，應(yīng)保證雙贏的社交關(guān)系,。塞內(nèi)德?tīng)柋硎荆骸叭绻麕椭四茏屪约阂灿兴斋@，就不會(huì)感覺(jué)筋疲力盡,。其中有一點(diǎn)需要明確,，你是喜歡與10個(gè)人每人聊10分鐘，還是寧愿與更少的人進(jìn)行更深入的討論,？了解自己的風(fēng)格,，可以協(xié)助確定自己的策略?！?/p>

????下面這個(gè)例子是塞內(nèi)德?tīng)柕挠H身經(jīng)歷：作為一家成功公司的創(chuàng)始人,，他經(jīng)常收到創(chuàng)業(yè)者的來(lái)信，向他征求意見(jiàn),。通常,，為了將真誠(chéng)求教的人和其他人區(qū)別開(kāi)來(lái)，他會(huì)先向他們推薦一本書(shū)——由風(fēng)險(xiǎn)投資家杰西卡?利文斯頓編寫(xiě)的《創(chuàng)業(yè)者》（Founders at Work）,。

????塞內(nèi)德?tīng)栒f(shuō)：“如果他們?cè)敢庀茸x一讀這本書(shū),，然后再回頭來(lái)找我，我們就可以在同一層次上展開(kāi)討論,，進(jìn)行有益的思想交流,。我發(fā)現(xiàn)，從他們身上我同樣學(xué)到了不少東西,?！?/p>

????3. 培養(yǎng)獨(dú)立討論，讓自己脫身,。這一方法可以充分利用互聯(lián)網(wǎng),。塞內(nèi)德?tīng)柗Q：“大多數(shù)情況下，征求意見(jiàn)的人面臨相同的問(wèn)題和擔(dān)憂,。如果能夠在求職網(wǎng)站或在線社交網(wǎng)站中建立一個(gè)博客或討論小組,，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，人們可以為彼此的問(wèn)題給出有用的答復(fù),。當(dāng)然,，你也可以，而且也必須親自參與其中,，但不必始終耗在那里,?！?/p>

????4. 不必為此感到焦慮。幫助他人的愿望值得贊揚(yáng),，但如果無(wú)法在自己設(shè)定的時(shí)限內(nèi)回復(fù)所有的請(qǐng)求,，塞內(nèi)德?tīng)柦ㄗh人們“不必因此感到愧疚。大家都知道你（肩負(fù)重任）,，忙得不可開(kāi)交,，畢竟，這也是他們希望獲得你的推薦或建議的原因所在,?！?/p>

????他建議，對(duì)于那些不論出于何種原因,，必須回絕的請(qǐng)求,，“可以在電子郵件中設(shè)定固定的回復(fù)，比如‘很抱歉,，由于時(shí)間原因,，本人無(wú)法處理您關(guān)于……的請(qǐng)求?！刻斓臅r(shí)間是有限的,。沒(méi)人會(huì)為此說(shuō)你的不是?！?/p>

????反饋：你是否也曾經(jīng)收到過(guò)大量社交方面的請(qǐng)求,，或是希望提供推薦信的請(qǐng)求呢？你是如何應(yīng)對(duì)的呢,？歡迎留言,，發(fā)表評(píng)論。

????（翻譯 劉進(jìn)龍）

????Dear Annie: Your column on how to network without wearing out one's welcome caught my eye, because I've been struggling with the exact kind of "networking fatigue" you mentioned. Thanks to a couple of high-profile positions I've held, I'm very visible in my industry, and know a great many people in it, so I receive a constant flood of requests for recommendations (both "live" and online), references, introductions, job leads, advice, and so on.

????I want to be helpful, especially to people who have been job hunting for a long time, but this is networking run amok. Do I have an obligation to serve as a reference, even for people whose work I either don't know that well or don't think was so great? And can I honor some requests for help and not others without burning any bridges? — Mr. Popularity

????Dear MP: To answer your first question first: No. You are under no obligation to give anyone a reference if you would rather not. Legally, past employers aren't required to respond at all to reference requests, and most big companies have a policy of limiting their (entirely optional) responses to a bare minimum of information, i.e., job title and dates of employment.

????But legalities aside, your larger dilemma is how to do the right thing without letting your helpfulness eat up every spare minute of your day.

????Marc Cenedella, founder and CEO of executive career site TheLadders.com, has a few thoughts on this since he, like you, is constantly besieged by networking requests. He offers these four suggestions:

????1. Set a time limit. "In essence, this is a time management issue like any other, whether it's how much time you're able to spend coaching your child's soccer team or how many hours per week you want to put into volunteer work," he notes. "The answer could be zero, or 10, or whatever works for you. But decide in advance what you're willing to commit to, and then stick to that."

????2. Devote the most time and energy to the conversations you enjoy most. To be worth doing at all, networking should be a two-way street. "If you're also getting something out of helping others, it will keep you from burning out," Cenedella says. "One aspect of this is, do you enjoy chatting with 10 people for 10 minutes each, or would you rather have fewer, more in-depth discussions? Knowing your own style will help determine your strategy."

????An example from his own experience: As the founder of a successful company, Cenedella says he hears from lots of entrepreneurs looking to pick his brain. To separate the truly serious inquiries from the less so, he usually recommends a book like Founders at Work by venture capitalist Jessica Livingston.

????"If someone is willing to read that and get back to me, so we start our discussion on the same page so to speak, then we can have a meaningful exchange of ideas," Cenedella says. "I've found I learn a lot from them."

????3. Foster a discussion that's independent of you. Here's one way the Internet can come in handy. "Many times people looking for advice share each others' questions and concerns," Cenedella observes. "If you set up a blog or a discussion group on a career site or an online social network, you usually find that people will address helpful comments to each other. You can and should weigh in, of course, but you don't need to be there all the time."

????4. Don't angst over it. Although your desire to help people is laudable, if you find that you just can't respond to all requests within the time limit you've set for yourself, "don't feel guilty," Cenedella advises. "Everyone knows you're incredibly busy. It's why they want your recommendation or your advice in the first place."

????For requests you need to turn down for whatever reason, "create a stock response you can email that says something like, 'Sorry, but due to time pressures, I can't honor requests for…,'" he suggests. "There are only so many hours in the day. No one's going to punish you for that."

????Talkback: Have you been on the receiving end of too many networking or reference requests? How do you deal with it? Leave a comment below.