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????親愛的安妮：女性是否需要提高談判能力？如何提高,？最近,，我一直在關(guān)注有關(guān)這個(gè)問題的討論。之所以對這個(gè)問題感興趣,，是因?yàn)槲蚁胱屪约旱氖聵I(yè)更上一層樓,；我認(rèn)為，要實(shí)現(xiàn)這個(gè)目標(biāo)就不能安于現(xiàn)狀,，而應(yīng)該主動(dòng)出擊尋求提升,，而不是被動(dòng)等待，隨遇而安,。我希望能成為一名優(yōu)秀的談判人員,，您能否介紹一些可供我學(xué)習(xí)的資源？——亞特蘭大市的艾莉森

????親愛的艾莉森：這確實(shí)是近期的一個(gè)熱門話題,，人們的關(guān)注也不是沒有道理的,。李?米勒與他的女兒杰西卡?米勒（房地產(chǎn)高管）共同出版了一本新書——《女性成功談判指南》（A Woman's Guide to Successful Negotiating）。他認(rèn)為,，許多女性不愿意討價(jià)還價(jià),，限制了自身的發(fā)展。

????米勒表示：“事情本不該如此,?！泵桌赵诟鐐惐葋喩虒W(xué)院（Columbia Business School）教授談判課程。他的公司談判網(wǎng)（NegotiationPlus）的培訓(xùn)客戶包括美國運(yùn)通公司（American Express）,、美國銀行（Bank of America）,、戴爾公司（Dell），以及全美職業(yè)橄欖球聯(lián)盟（the National Football League）等,。

????盡管在目前,，從事同樣工作的女性比男性的收入平均低20%，但米勒表示：“對于學(xué)會(huì)談判技巧的部分女性來說,，這個(gè)統(tǒng)計(jì)數(shù)據(jù)卻是完全相反的,。”他指出,，近期美國的人口普查數(shù)據(jù)顯示,，主要大城市22到30歲的單身女性收入比同一年齡段的男性高出8%。

????普華永道（PriceWaterhouseCoopers）的執(zhí)行董事詹尼佛?艾琳表示：“頗具諷刺意味的是,，女性在某些方面更善于交際,，一旦她們愿意坐到談判桌前，她們就會(huì)成為優(yōu)秀的談判人員；但最大的障礙往往就在于你得說服她們?nèi)L試,?！?/p>

????大量學(xué)術(shù)研究也證明了這種說法。比如,，卡耐基-梅隆大學(xué)（Carnegie-Mellon）的教授琳達(dá)?巴布科克曾要求男性和女性從一組比喻中挑選一個(gè)來形容他們對談判的感覺,，其中男性選擇最多的是“贏得一場球賽”；而大部分女性的選擇則是“去看牙醫(yī),?！?/p>

????巴布科克的研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，觀念上的巨大差異有助于解釋為何男性談判的頻率是女性的四倍,。艾琳表示：“男性更傾向于認(rèn)為許多情況可以通過談判解決,，他們甚至?xí)鲃?dòng)尋找機(jī)會(huì)進(jìn)行談判；而女性則恰恰相反,，即使談判的機(jī)會(huì)近在眼前,，她們也往往視而不見?！?/p>

????為了縮小這一差距,，今年春天，普華永道推出了一個(gè)關(guān)于談判與性別的培訓(xùn)課程,，供所有15,000名女性員工在線學(xué)習(xí),，并將在今年就這一話題在其美國的所有分公司進(jìn)行深入的討論。培訓(xùn)課程主要的亮點(diǎn)如下：

????練習(xí)提問,。與其他技能類似，提問的技巧一樣可以熟能生巧,。艾琳建議：“把談判當(dāng)作一次常規(guī)的談話,，而不是類似要求加薪一樣重大而不尋常的事件。從小事開始練習(xí),，比如委托日常工作任務(wù),、變更截止日期等，慢慢地就能更加適應(yīng)這個(gè)過程,?！?/p>

????假裝在代表其他人詢問，從而為自己的要求找到充分的理由,。哈佛大學(xué)（Harvard）教授漢娜?瑞利?鮑爾斯通過研究發(fā)現(xiàn),，許多女性在為自己提要求時(shí)，會(huì)覺得自己“貪婪或自私”,。但男性卻沒有類似的顧慮,。

????“所以，當(dāng)你準(zhǔn)備提出要求時(shí),，想象自己是在代表團(tuán)隊(duì)或同事,。你該如何替他們提出要求,？哪些支持?jǐn)?shù)據(jù)最有說服力？”更客觀地看待這個(gè)問題,，可以幫你走出死胡同,。

????設(shè)定更高的目標(biāo)。李?米勒表示：“大多數(shù)談判最終往往無法達(dá)到最初預(yù)想的結(jié)果,。如果你要求的太少,，那你注定只能得到很少?！边@一點(diǎn)需要牢記,。

????在普華永道的課程中，西蒙斯學(xué)院（Simmons College）的教授,、網(wǎng)絡(luò)與輔導(dǎo)專家史黛西?布萊克?比爾德講述了在她職業(yè)早期的一則軼事,。當(dāng)時(shí)她正在準(zhǔn)備談判新職位的入職條件，她告訴自己的導(dǎo)師,，她只打算提兩個(gè)要求,。導(dǎo)師卻連聲說不。他說：“我給你列出了18個(gè)要求,，你一定要堅(jiān)持,。但最終你可能只能談成一半?！?/p>

????然而,，導(dǎo)師的清單卻讓布萊克?比爾德猶豫不決，因?yàn)檫@些要求涵蓋了從辦公室的大小,、停車位的位置到班級(jí)學(xué)生數(shù)量方方面面,。不過，最終她還是提出了這18項(xiàng)要求,。果然,，只有9項(xiàng)得到了滿足。

????擴(kuò)展社交網(wǎng)絡(luò),。艾琳認(rèn)為,，布萊克?比爾德的故事證明了很重要的一點(diǎn)，即“你不必獨(dú)自面對,?！迸c信任的人一起討論，聽取他們的建議,，談判將更富有成效,。“投資人際關(guān)系是最重要的長期談判策略之一?！?/p>

????在談判過程中,，許多女性與生俱來的同情心是一把雙刃劍，普華永道課程和米勒新書都強(qiáng)調(diào)了這個(gè)觀點(diǎn),。

????艾琳表示：“女性通常會(huì)考慮,，對方怎么看待當(dāng)前的情況？該怎么做能讓對方高興,？女性可以善用這一特點(diǎn),，將其轉(zhuǎn)化成談判的優(yōu)勢，關(guān)鍵就在于把自身的利益與組織的利益結(jié)合起來,?！?/p>

????或者，正如李?米勒所解釋的那樣：“同情心就是理解他人的需求,，但并不一定要去滿足他們要求,，更不能以犧牲自己的利益去滿足他人的需求?！彼J(rèn)為,，避免他所說的“同情心陷阱”，對于幫助女性成長為強(qiáng)勢的談判專家大有好處,。

????翻譯：汪皓

????Dear Annie:I've been following the recent debate about whether women need to improve their negotiating skills and, if so, how. This interests me because I suspect that, if I want to take my career to the next level, I'm going to have to start asking for more of what I believe I've earned, rather than just accepting whatever comes along. Can you recommend any resources for learning to be a better negotiator? —Alison in Atlanta

????Dear Alison:This is indeed a hot topic lately, and for good reason. Lee Miller, co-author (with his daughter, real estate executive Jessica Miller) of a new book called A Woman's Guide to Successful Negotiating, believes that a reluctance to haggle is holding many women back.

????"It doesn't have to be that way," says Miller, who teaches courses on negotiation at Columbia Business School. His firm, NegotiationPlus, counts among its coaching clients American Express (AXP), Bank of America (BAC), Dell (DELL) and the National Football League.

????Although women now earn, on average, 20% less than men in the same jobs, Miller says, "for some women who have learned to negotiate, that statistic has been completely reversed." He points to recent U.S. Census data showing that single women aged 22 to 30 in major metropolitan areas now earn 8% more than their male peers.

????"The irony is that women have been socialized in certain ways that make them quite good negotiators, if you can get them to do it," observes Jennifer Allyn, a managing director at PriceWaterhouse Coopers. "The biggest hurdle is usually persuading them to try."

????Copious academic research bears that out. Consider: When Carnegie-Mellon professor Linda Babcock asked men and women to choose from a list of metaphors to describe how they feel about the prospect of negotiating, the men's top pick was "winning a ball game." The women's: "Going to the dentist."

????Those vastly different perceptions help explain why, Babcock's research found, men negotiate four times more often than women do. "Men tend to see more situations as negotiable. They look for opportunities to negotiate," says Allyn. "Women, by contrast, often don't see opportunities that are right in front of them."

????In an attempt to close the gap, PriceWaterhouseCoopers launched a training course on negotiation and gender this spring, available online to all 15,000 of its female employees, and is conducting in-depth discussions on the topic at its offices across the U.S. for the rest of this year. A few highlights:

????Practice asking.Making requests and proposing changes, a skill like any other, gets easier the more you do it. "Think of negotiating as an ongoing conversation, rather than just a big, rare event like asking for a raise," Allyn suggests. "If you practice on small stuff, like delegating day-to-day tasks or requesting a change in a deadline, you'll be more comfortable with the process."

????Build your case by pretending you're asking on someone else's behalf. Harvard professor Hannah Riley Bowles found in her research that many women regard asking for anything for themselves as "greedy or selfish. But men have no such reservations," notes Allyn.

????"So, when you're getting ready to make a request, imagine that you're doing so on behalf of your team or a colleague. How would you present the case for them? What supporting data would be most compelling?" Taking this more objective view can help you get out of your own way.

????Aim high.Bear in mind that "in most negotiations, there is an expectation that where you start is not where you will end up," says Lee Miller. "If you ask for too little, you can be sure that's what you will get."

????In the PriceWaterhouse Coopers course, Stacey Blake-Beard, a professor at Simmons College and an expert on networks and mentoring, tells an anecdote from early in her own career. While preparing to discuss the terms of a new position, she told her mentor she planned to ask for just two things. "No! No!," he said. "Here are 18 things you should insist on. You'll probably get nine of them."

????Blake-Beard balked at the list he gave her, which covered everything from the size of her office to the location of her parking space to the number of students in her classes. But she made all 18 requests anyway. She got nine.

????Expand your network.Blake-Beard's story illustrates an important point, Allyn says: "You don't have to go it alone." Brainstorming with people you trust and getting their advice can make you a far more effective negotiator. "Investing in relationships is one of the most important long-term negotiation strategies there is."

????One common theme emphasized in both PriceWaterouse Cooper's course and the Millers' book is that many women's ingrained talent for empathy can be a double-edged sword.

????"Women are always thinking of how the other side views the situation and what will make the other person happy," Allyn observes. "You can use that to your advantage in negotiations. The key is to connect what's good for you with what's good for the organization."

????Or, as Lee Miller puts it, "Empathy is about understanding other people's needs, not necessarily about giving them what they want -- especially at the expense of getting what you want." Avoiding what he calls "the empathy trap" could, he believes, go a long way toward turning more women into powerhouse negotiators.