我花了幾周時(shí)間來(lái)準(zhǔn)備申請(qǐng)，經(jīng)過(guò)了兩輪面試,，在幾個(gè)月的期待以后,，收到了某個(gè)著名的商業(yè)團(tuán)體的2016級(jí)班的錄取通知書(shū)。我是幾百甚至幾千名申請(qǐng)者中入圍的12人之一,。但是最后,，我拒絕了。

甚至在寫(xiě)這篇文章的時(shí)候,，我還有一絲后悔,。我的意思是，我怎么能拒絕在簡(jiǎn)歷里添上如此光鮮一筆的機(jī)會(huì),？而且還是在付出了那么多努力終于成功的情況下,？我將會(huì)得到怎樣的人際關(guān)系網(wǎng)絡(luò)？賺到多少錢(qián),？

本質(zhì)上,，我的決定可以歸結(jié)為一系列更重要的問(wèn)題：我這樣做是因?yàn)槲艺娴南胍獑幔€是因?yàn)樗雌饋?lái)不錯(cuò),？我這樣做是因?yàn)槲液芎ε?，不敢拒絕嗎？

我經(jīng)常用以下的快捷綱要來(lái)找到答案,。它們不僅讓我有信心拒絕這次邀請(qǐng),，還有助于幫我做出許多重大的人生決策。

1. 試著冥想

對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō),，這意味著在印度農(nóng)村10天密集而安靜的冥想,。不過(guò)你沒(méi)必要跑到世界的另一邊來(lái)獲得同樣的效果，只需要空出一塊安靜的冥想地,，在那里傾聽(tīng)自己的心聲,。當(dāng)你的心靈不再恐慌或淹沒(méi)在其他人的想法之中，會(huì)告訴你什么呢,？

暫時(shí)讓自己遠(yuǎn)離外部刺激,，以及那些你應(yīng)該成為誰(shuí)、你應(yīng)該做什么的想法,，這能讓你把握自己的價(jià)值觀,，掌握你生活的前進(jìn)方向。

2. 關(guān)注你的身體反應(yīng)

在閱讀那份邀請(qǐng)郵件時(shí)，我立刻開(kāi)始理智地思考整件事情,。但接著我后退了一步,，開(kāi)始關(guān)注我身體的感覺(jué)，這是我從冥想中得到的經(jīng)驗(yàn),。隨后我發(fā)現(xiàn),，我的頭腦很混亂，但是我的身體已經(jīng)給出了清楚的答案,。

當(dāng)我考慮接受邀請(qǐng)時(shí),，身體的所有肌肉都緊張了起來(lái)。但當(dāng)我拒絕時(shí),，我感覺(jué)到身體都放松了下來(lái),。停下來(lái)聽(tīng)聽(tīng)身體的反應(yīng)，我們就能知道潛意識(shí)里的直覺(jué)對(duì)生活怎么看,。

3. 考慮最佳情況

我們通常會(huì)在決策前考慮最差的情況,。不過(guò)這種思考方式很容易失控：“我應(yīng)該接受這份工作，因?yàn)閯e的公司可能不會(huì)要我,，那樣我的簡(jiǎn)歷就會(huì)有段巨大的空白期。我再也找不到工作,，只能住在河邊的面包里,。于是我也找不到對(duì)象，只能與一群貓和雞做伴,，最后孤獨(dú)死去,。”噢,，別瞎想了,！

與其深陷于這些臆想的災(zāi)難中，我選擇設(shè)想最好的情況,，據(jù)此做出選擇,。這讓我在決策時(shí)得以排除那些消極可怕的疑慮。我沒(méi)有考慮上文說(shuō)的住在面包車(chē)?yán)锏那闆r,，而是仔細(xì)思量是否應(yīng)當(dāng)接受邀請(qǐng)：“如果這個(gè)機(jī)遇能夠到來(lái),，其他機(jī)遇也一樣。我的重點(diǎn)是堅(jiān)持自己的目標(biāo),?！?/p>

我仍然在尋找自己的目標(biāo)，但我知道這個(gè)選項(xiàng)并非我想要的,。

4. 不要詢(xún)問(wèn)直接的建議

相反,，我會(huì)問(wèn)一些親友，他們碰到某些情況會(huì)怎么做，而不是如果他們是我會(huì)怎么做,。這之間有重要的差別：我求教的是決策思路,，而不是決策本身。到最后,，我需要自己下決定,，因?yàn)橐袚?dān)后果的是我。

5. 培養(yǎng)“富足心態(tài)”

我們受到的教育告訴我們,，現(xiàn)有的工作,、資源、金錢(qián),、時(shí)間和空間永遠(yuǎn)還不夠,。與其陷入這種匱乏的心態(tài)，告訴自己：“如果我能像抓住這次機(jī)遇一樣,，努力工作把握下次機(jī)遇,，我就一定會(huì)成功?！甭?tīng)到了嗎,？一定會(huì)成功。眼下的機(jī)遇只有一個(gè),，以后還會(huì)有幾十個(gè)等著你,。

6. 分析你的語(yǔ)調(diào)

當(dāng)我的大腦讓我接受獎(jiǎng)學(xué)金時(shí)，我聽(tīng)到的是無(wú)力的辯護(hù),。當(dāng)我傾聽(tīng)讓我拒絕的聲音時(shí),，我聽(tīng)到的是真誠(chéng)的信念。在做出決定時(shí),，聽(tīng)聽(tīng)你的想法的質(zhì)量——有時(shí)候它和內(nèi)容一樣重要,。

7. 不要害怕錯(cuò)過(guò)

啊，害怕錯(cuò)過(guò)是我們這一代的流行病,。追求各種事情,，“害怕錯(cuò)過(guò)”，就像你沒(méi)病還要吃藥一樣,。

生活只會(huì)前進(jìn),，不會(huì)后退。即便我們錯(cuò)過(guò)了,，感到后悔,，也必須繼續(xù)走下去。我們不能因?yàn)楹ε潞蠡?，就做到所有的一切,。后悔是生活的一部分,，我們的時(shí)間是有限的。決定我們每天想花時(shí)間干什么,，是我們必須掌握的一項(xiàng)藝術(shù),。

8. 問(wèn)自己：“這是我的出口嗎？”

一個(gè)朋友如此形容：“如果你在高速公路上,，你前面那輛車(chē)在下一個(gè)出口出了高速公路,，是否就意味著你也得在那個(gè)出口出去？”當(dāng)然不是,。你有自己的目的地,，你需要清楚它在哪里——或至少，它不在哪里,。

9. 擁抱你的恐懼

有時(shí)你必須確定你害怕什么,，然后向那個(gè)方向前進(jìn)。在我這個(gè)情況里,，接受邀請(qǐng)很保險(xiǎn),，短期來(lái)看是很容易做出的選擇。拒絕一件我想要但是理由不正確的事情,，需要冒更大的風(fēng)險(xiǎn),。但我確信其中蘊(yùn)含著真正的機(jī)遇。（財(cái)富中文網(wǎng)）

譯者：嚴(yán)匡正

I spent weeks preparing the application, went through two rounds of interviews, and finally, after months of anticipation, received an offer to join the 2016 class of a prestigious business fellowship. I was one of a dozen selected from hundreds, if not thousands, of applicants. And in the end, I said no.

Even as I write this I feel a tinge of regret. I mean, how could I say no to something that would have looked so good on my resume? And after all that work to finally get accepted? The network it would open up for me? The money?

Essentially my decision boiled down to a more important set of questions: Am I doing this because I really want to, or because it would look good? Am I doing this because I’m just too scared to say no?

Here’s a quick rundown of the strategies I used to find answers. Not only did they give me the confidence to turn down the fellowship, but they’re helpful for making a variety of major life decisions.

1. Try meditation

For me, this involved 10 days of intense, silent meditation in rural India. But you don’t have to travel to the other side of the world for the same effects. Instead, set aside a quiet meditation space where you can listen to your heart. What does it communicate when it’s not panicked and inundated with other people’s ideas?

Temporarily removing yourself from all external stimuli and ideas of who you should be and what you should do allows you to access your own values and take ownership of the direction you want your life to take.

2. Monitor your physical reactions.

When I read the email offering me the fellowship, I immediately began to process it on an intellectual level. But then I took a step back to pay attention to the sensations in my body, an idea I learned in meditation. As it turns out, my mind was terribly confused, but my body had already given a clear answer.

When I thought about accepting the offer, all the muscles in my body became tense, but when I imagined saying no, I felt a physical wave of relief. By pausing to listen to the body, we can tap into our subconscious instincts about life.

3. Consider the best-case scenario.

We often envision the worst-case scenario before making a decision. But this line of thinking can quickly spiral out of control: “I should take this job because maybe another one won’t come along and then I’ll have a huge gap on my resume and I’ll never get hired again and will have to live in a van down by the river and then no one will ever love me and I’ll die alone with a lot of cats and chickens.” Oh, come on!

Instead of getting bogged down in theoretical disasters, I chose to envision the best-case scenario and make decisions based on that. This allowed me to make a decision unclouded by destructive, crippling doubt. Instead of the above, van-by-the-river scenario, when ruminating over whether to accept the fellowship offer, I thought the following: “If this opportunity came into my life, so will many others. My priority is to stay on purpose.”

I’m still figuring out what that purpose is, but I know this particular option isn’t it.

4. Avoid asking for direct advice.

Instead, I asked a few people close to me how they would make a decision like this, not what they would decide if they were me. It’s an important distinction: I solicited frameworks of decision-making, rather than the decision itself. In the end, I needed to make the call because I was going to live with the consequences.

5. Cultivate an “abundance mentality”

We’re taught there are never enough jobs, resources, money, time and space. Instead of succumbing to this scarcity-driven mindset, tell yourself: “If I work as hard to secure the next opportunity as I did for this one, I’m bound to be successful.” Hear that?Bound to be successful. Where there’s one opportunity, a dozen more await.

6. Analyze your tone.

When I listened to the voice in my head telling me to accept the fellowship, I heard empty justification. When I listened to the voice telling me to say no, I heard sincere conviction. Listen to the quality of your thoughts when decision-making — sometimes, it’s just as important as the content.

7. Resist FOMO

Ah, the epidemic of our generation. Pursuing things out of the “fear of missing out” is like taking medicine when you’re not even sick.

Life moves forward, not backward. Even if we miss out and feel regret, we have to keep moving forward. We can’t do everything that comes our way because we’re scared of what regret tastes like. Regret is part of life, and our time is finite. Choosing how we want to spend our days is an art we must all master.

8. Ask yourself: “Is this my exit?”

A friend put it this way: If you’re on the highway and the car in front of you takes the next exit, does that mean you also get off the highway? Of course not. You have your own destination, and you have to be clear-minded about where that is — or, at least, isn’t.

9. Embrace your fears.

Sometimes you must identify what you fear and then proceed in that direction. In my case, accepting the job would have been the safe, easy thing to do on a short-term basis. Saying no to something I knew I only wanted for the wrong reasons was the riskier choice. But I’m convinced it’s where the real opportunity lies.