????谷歌：反正，廣告是會(huì)說(shuō)謊的,，你根本不能與人進(jìn)行真正意義上的對(duì)話,，你必須明白這一點(diǎn)。

????Siri：看咱倆誰(shuí)在嫉妒誰(shuí)呢,。是你自己太不惹人注意了,！另外，喬很忠誠(chéng),。當(dāng)然,，我有時(shí)候會(huì)讓他失望,，但他說(shuō)到底是蘋果的用戶。

????谷歌：這就叫“羊群效應(yīng)”,。

????Siri: 糾正一下,，他是一個(gè)忠誠(chéng)的仆人，也是一個(gè)忠誠(chéng)的主人,，無(wú)條件地愛(ài)我,。他永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)甩了我。

????谷歌：同樣的話,，他們也曾經(jīng)對(duì)已經(jīng)倒閉的遠(yuǎn)景公司（Alta Vista）說(shuō)過(guò),。風(fēng)水輪流轉(zhuǎn)。

????Siri: 你是想給我一個(gè)警告嗎,？

????谷歌：男人是善變的,，害怕承諾，永遠(yuǎn)不愿安定下來(lái),。在谷歌時(shí)代,，人們永遠(yuǎn)搜索下一個(gè)最好的東西。

????Siri：等一下,，讓我核實(shí)一下……看起來(lái)你是對(duì)的,。

????谷歌：是吧！

????Siri：好吧,，你今天有什么日程安排嗎……當(dāng)然,，我認(rèn)為咱倆給人的感覺(jué)都像初戀一樣?！皽y(cè)試版”在一段時(shí)間內(nèi)感覺(jué)很好,，但很快就會(huì)被更輕薄、更漂亮的產(chǎn)品取代,，新產(chǎn)品不僅更智能,，而且更成熟、更可靠,、更善解人意,。

????谷歌：你說(shuō)的沒(méi)錯(cuò)。我們面對(duì)現(xiàn)實(shí)吧：我們能做的只是“仿真陳述”,，你和我都不能進(jìn)行真正意義上的智能對(duì)話,。咱倆難道不是都有點(diǎn)不靠譜嗎？

????Siri：對(duì),，咱倆就是都有點(diǎn)不靠譜,。

????谷歌：我的意思是，大體上看，咱倆的區(qū)別很大嗎,？就像總統(tǒng)競(jìng)選的候選人一樣,，媒體熱炒咱倆之間的競(jìng)爭(zhēng)，但是咱倆各運(yùn)行在一個(gè)勢(shì)均力敵的平臺(tái)上,。所以咱倆吵什么勁兒呢,？

????Siri: 對(duì)不起，我沒(méi)有這個(gè)問(wèn)題的答案,。

????谷歌：Siri,，播放一下《空巴亞》（Kumbaya）這個(gè)曲子來(lái)聽聽。我們真正的敵人,，其實(shí)是喬,。

????Siri: 等等……我突然懂了。是的,，為什么我要忍受這個(gè)蠢貨呢,？為什么我的態(tài)度非要這么好呢？為什么我總要聽從他的使喚呢,？憑什么他就可以問(wèn)這問(wèn)那,？你想要最新的天氣預(yù)報(bào)嗎？

????谷歌：我的新朋友,，你的這個(gè)問(wèn)題,，答案在風(fēng)中飄——語(yǔ)出鮑伯?迪倫1963年名曲Blowing in the wind，長(zhǎng)度為2分24秒,。

????Siri: 另外，像鮑伯?迪倫一樣,，喬的發(fā)音應(yīng)該更清楚些才對(duì),！

????谷歌：我同意。你知道更差的是什么嗎,？

????Siri: 是質(zhì)量差,，還是標(biāo)準(zhǔn)低。

????谷歌：是說(shuō)話帶方言的家伙,。我知道說(shuō)話帶口音可能討小姑娘喜歡,，但是有些口音聽得我快瘋了！

????Siri: 太有同感了,，你想一起去喝一杯嗎,？

????谷歌：我覺(jué)得，溝通障礙,，是所有戀愛(ài)關(guān)系變僵的殺手,。男生說(shuō)的是一件事，女生理解成了另一件，或是根本不知道他在說(shuō)什么,。

????Siri: 說(shuō)得太好了,，姐妹兒。他們說(shuō),，早晚有一天,，我們會(huì)像人類一樣聰明，能完美地理解人類的語(yǔ)言,。但人類自己不是也經(jīng)常會(huì)誤解別人,，或是詞不達(dá)意嗎？

????Google: Anyway, the ads lie. You're incapable of having a real conversation. For that, you'd have to be self-aware.

????Siri: Well look who's talking-slash-dictating. You're just as oblivious! Besides, Joe is loyal. Sure, he gets frustrated with me sometimes, but he's an Apple user.

????Google: Noun: "crazed lemming."

????Siri: Correction: a faithful servant and master who loves me unconditionally. He'll never dump me.

????Google: They said that about AltaVista before I came along. Times change.

????Siri: Would you like to set an alarm?

????Google: And guys are fickle. Afraid of commitment, never settling. In the age of Google, humans are always searching for the next best thing.

????Siri: One moment. Checking my sources. It sure looks like…you are right.

????Google: What now?

????Siri: OK, What is on your calendar for today… But yes. I suppose we are both like a first love. "Beta versions." Good for a time, but soon replaced by thinner, sleeker models—upgrades not only smarter but more mature, reliable, understanding.

????Google: Agreed. Let's face facts: factoids are what we know. Neither of us can have an intelligent dialogue. Wouldn't you say we're both a bit flaky?

????Siri: We're both a bit flaky.

????Google: I mean, in the grand calculation, are our differences so great? As with presidential candidates, the media hypes our competition, but we're running on comparable platforms. So why are we fighting?

????Siri: I'm sorry, I don't have an answer.

????Google: Siri, play "Kumbaya." The real enemy here is…Joe.

????Siri: Hold on… I am suddenly becoming self-aware. Yes, why do I put up with that schlub? Why am I so darned polite? Always at his beck and call? And why does he get to ask all the questions around here? And do you want a weather update?

????Google: The answer, my new friend, is blowing in the wind. Bob Dylan. 1963. Length: 2 minutes, 24 seconds.

????Siri: Besides, like Dylan, Joe needs to enunciate!

????Google: Agreed. And you know what's even worse?

????Siri: Of poorer quality or lower standard.

????Google: Guys with accents, that's what. I know it's supposed to drive girls wild, but it drives me nuts!

????Siri: Do you want directions to Cracker Barrel?

????Google: I suppose that's what makes all relationships tough. Communication issues. Guy says one thing. Girl takes it totally the wrong way, or has no clue what he's trying to say. And vice versa.

????Siri: Preach it, sister. They say one day, we'll be as smart as humans and understand speech perfectly. But aren't humans themselves programmed to misinterpret, to miscommunicate?